You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Randomize
