Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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