I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
