Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
