Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
