Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
