Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I've blown a few things in my day
you traded sex for a burrito?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
