I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
