I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
