My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
barbara walters just said penis...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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