i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
