so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
