the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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