we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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