the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
