That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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