Cold hands, warm shart.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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