News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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