and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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