i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
