I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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