there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
