so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
