I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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