Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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