ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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