I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
