if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
