i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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