Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
