I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
