I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
