he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
