The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
