She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
