Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
