Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
