I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
