Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
