So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
