wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
