Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
