so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
