the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
