who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
