what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
