Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
