I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
