Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
