Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
