We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
