I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
