i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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